Pain Made Me A Believer!

If you could only be an insect on our wall...not all day though as we do need our privacy. Did you listen to the video? The song is called Believer by Imagine Dragons. The lyrics went through my ears, traveled to the neurons sparking in my brain and triggered this flow of words I am about to share with you.

MY TRIPLE HEARTBREAK

Can you remember that sick feeling inside your chest when a guy/girl you liked told you the one thing that steals all the breath from your lungs to kill you? Yes, "I do not like you the way you like me!" Ouch...Would you believe me if I told you my husband rejected me three times before we even made it to anything more than friends? YES! He did...Did I say three times? 3 THREE tres times....My heart was not prepared at all for the feelings that came when he told me those words the first time, far less the two other times that came after that.

I am cute...(thinking) well, I think so. The last time I checked I was funny, charming and very loyal, so why did he reject me? Hubby, tell them why!

KJ: Wifey was involved deeply with someone during that time. The rest is classified above reader's clearance level. (She's asking if I'm done already. Yes! This what you call succinct)

Sigh... After much probing by my wife, I'll add to this. Rejection is painful. No one likes pain, especially emotional pain that comes from being rejected, whether in dating or sales or whatever. However, I think there's much more fish in the sea. Have you ever traveled?! Snacks galore lol. Yes, I did reject my wife several times, however, she really had it in for me, and that's the main thing. The other party must like/be attracted to you. If not, then it is just plain stalkerish/thirsty.

So don't be creeps people, travel, get rejected, workout and get fit, then came back strong showing them what they missed out on. Kind of vindicative, I know. ⭃

DJ: And this is coming from just my husband's perspective as a man. Women and men handle rejection differently, and we have seen some men and women handle it, well, in very unhealthy ways. We are not classically trained psychologists, but we do know first hand the emotions that are raw and untamed when we are rejected. There is a feeling of shame, uselessness, doubt of our worth or value and most of all fear.

We fear not being able to find someone else that we feel the same passion/attraction for, and though I was, as my husband said "involved deeply with someone", his rejection came with the same feelings as though I was not. I did have to step away from the friendship after his rejection to assess my worth. I wondered what was wrong with me and why I was feeling the way I was, but this was a deep personal exercise which I did alone. No girlfriends, no guyfriends, no parents...nothing...just me and my creator.

We are tempted after rejection to seek validation as well, and depending heavily on the opinions of others in this volatile time can result in either a healthy response or a deadly one. Women have responded by being self destructive or destructive of others/things belonging to others around them. I can see that 'Waiting To Exhale' movie clip right now with my girl throwing her husband's things outside into the car, then lighting up her cigarette and watching it all go up in flames. It was either those clothes or his life...she chose to stay out of jail for murder...you go girl...

But that is how much it hurts. That pain of betrayal and rejection, that someone does not want me.

What can ease this pain of rejection? Absolutely nothing!

It stings...

It cuts...

It prunes...

The only thing that will change is your perspective after the pain. Either you respond healthily or destructively.

Just bare in mind, just because they reject you, it does not mean you are worth any less. It doesn't mean they do not care for you. It does not mean they hate you.

Consider these three things before reacting to the rejection:

1. They are not ready to be in the relationship the same way you are. They are free to be not ready, and you need to respect it. Think if you were not ready and how you would handle the situation.

2. You are not going in the same direction and they are making room for someone else who is going your way. I mean, come on, you know you do not want to go the wrong way.

3. Are you being a friend or a dictator? If the person has to tell you yes when you say, then you are not ready for a relationship period...even if it is with this person or someone else.

Saying No is ok, hearing No is ok!

It may Look Like Love...but make sure it IS!